Why did I ever believe you would understand.


You don’t get it. You don’t get me.

You think you do but you don’t.

It’s just so different.


Don’t Worry, Be Happy (or some crap advice like that) — Literally Patti Murin

Fun fact: I’m a diagnosed clinically depressed human. Okay, maybe not so fun, but I’m very open about it, I can joke about what I call “my crazy,” and I’m not ashamed of it in any way. But I’m aware that there’s still a huge stigma about depression, and that the vast majority of people […]

via Don’t Worry, Be Happy (or some crap advice like that) — Literally Patti Murin

You Don’t Get It

It’s rough when you’re not the person who is considered the ‘worst off’

It’s like your problems are less relevant or less excruciating

It’s like you’re being ungrateful and over dramatic

You should be happy that your problems aren’t as bad as the other

Which is in part true. I am thankful for the health I have; the ability to walk, to breathe, to follow my passions and such

But that doesn’t mean my problems aren’t still fucking problems

That doesn’t mean I am not sick. That doesn’t mean I am not engulfed by

Anxiety; Depression; Nausea; Confusion; Brain Fog; Frustration; Self Hatred; Fatigue/ Exhaustion; Pain-Mental, Physical, Emotional; Etc.

That doesn’t fucking mean you understand my life and what I go through

Nobody fucking gets it

Not even the other people that should

I’m so fucking alone

Not even my own mother gets it because I am not as bad off as him

So when I’m mad or upset of anything its minuscule because it is nothing in comparison to what he feels

But in reality its just DIFFERENT. Not less. Not more. DIFFERENT.

So fuck it.

I am fucking done.

What Do I Call You?

\\Test of Self Control//

Who are you to tear down my walls? To not care about my feelings and to take advantage of my forgiveness and my love? Why do I let you do whatever you want and continue to stick by your side?

The standards are not equivalent. If I did the same, you would leave me in an instant.

You are TOXIC.

It is undeniable. There is no single person to take my place. No one wants my role. Why? Because no one can do what I do//Put up with what I put up with

I listen to you cry//complain//bitch//laugh//sing//andeverythinginbetween

I have NO regrets being the person I have been to you.

But is it time to step back and release myself from the stress & exhaustion that comes with being near your being?


What do I even call you?

A best friend? Hardly. Best friends don’t disregard each others feelings and do what they please.

A friend? Perhaps. Still lacking the sense of respect.

An acquaintance? Insulting. Too much time spent getting to know you and understanding you to be so distanced.

Then what? What do I call this pernicious relationship?

The one that slowly drains me of my sanity, patience, and trust…

Yet still finds a way to invigorate and give me energy in times of dullness

Does it weigh out? NO.

Does it ever end? NO.

What is it then? What do I call you?

Slash Negativity

THINK about all the great things happening in your life

EXPRESS your love for the people and things around you

BE PASSIONATE about what you do and be in love with your movements

SMILE because there is no better medication than that of happiness

LAUGH as loud and as much as you can

BREATHE deep and hard and relax

LOVE immensely and let it be known



What I Did For Love

Literally Patti Murin

1374291_724263284266109_1603825607_nSo I openly and loudly consider myself one of the luckiest women alive, because somehow I managed to find one of those incredibly rare and unique men who is kind, loving, loyal, intelligent, funny, laid back, and who puts up with me willingly and happily. Oh, and he’s hot. Like REAL hot. Good work, Murin.

Fear not, this whole blog is not going to be a sickeningly delirious post about how much I love my fiancee and how lucky I am to have found him and blah blah blah chick lit novel I can’t believe he’s mine what did I do to deserve this. No, I deserve him. Oh, I freaking deserve him. Because when I look back on everything I went through to get him? I can’t believe I lasted this long without becoming a nun or a cat lady, or worst of all, a contestant on The Bachelor.

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Simple Hello, Harder Goodbye

To say it simply, I have A LOT of problems. All, however, have one thing in common. They affect my mood, perspective, and outlook. Lots of times I find myself depressed, thinking horrid thoughts that scare me too much to even express. I do not think I would ever act on them, but it is hard to believe I should be this miserable all the time. I do everything in my power to try to stay positive. I try to talk to God. I try to notice and appreciate the small things in life. I always put a smile on my face and put my friends first and I very rarely complain (to most people). I am known as the bubbly girl with the big heart that is always full of energy and will put anyone and everyone before herself. Classic, right? Those are always the really fucked up ones. Because we know how it feels to constantly be hurt, physically, emotionally, and mentally and wish none of that upon others.

The other day I was upset and really couldn’t shake it. Nothing was working and I was just dragging myself through another day filled with negative thoughts and feelings. To my surprise, a man infront of me in line turned around and began to talk to me. He asked me about my major, my future plans, my classes, etc. There was no awkward pick up lines or talk about my kajillion different problems. It was purely a friendly, upbeat, and hopeful conversation. Little did he realize he was shaking off my poor mood. His simple hello made me not want to say goodbye to the day, myself, or the world. His simple hello made me forget for a second that I am a ball of unanswered problems and made me feel like a true person instead of a lab rat. I didn’t feel like I was fighting for words or fighting my body, I was done fighting.

For those few minutes, I felt NORMAL, whatever that means.