To say it simply, I have A LOT of problems. All, however, have one thing in common. They affect my mood, perspective, and outlook. Lots of times I find myself depressed, thinking horrid thoughts that scare me too much to even express. I do not think I would ever act on them, but it is hard to believe I should be this miserable all the time. I do everything in my power to try to stay positive. I try to talk to God. I try to notice and appreciate the small things in life. I always put a smile on my face and put my friends first and I very rarely complain (to most people). I am known as the bubbly girl with the big heart that is always full of energy and will put anyone and everyone before herself. Classic, right? Those are always the really fucked up ones. Because we know how it feels to constantly be hurt, physically, emotionally, and mentally and wish none of that upon others.
The other day I was upset and really couldn’t shake it. Nothing was working and I was just dragging myself through another day filled with negative thoughts and feelings. To my surprise, a man infront of me in line turned around and began to talk to me. He asked me about my major, my future plans, my classes, etc. There was no awkward pick up lines or talk about my kajillion different problems. It was purely a friendly, upbeat, and hopeful conversation. Little did he realize he was shaking off my poor mood. His simple hello made me not want to say goodbye to the day, myself, or the world. His simple hello made me forget for a second that I am a ball of unanswered problems and made me feel like a true person instead of a lab rat. I didn’t feel like I was fighting for words or fighting my body, I was done fighting.
For those few minutes, I felt NORMAL, whatever that means.